- by Swami Parmahansa Yogananda
What is love?
"All of you have tasted love in some form in your hearts;
therefore you know a little about what it is.
But you have not understood how to develop love,
how to purify and expand it into divine love.
A spark of this divine love exists in most hearts in the
beginning of life, but is usually lost because man does not
know how to cultivate it."
"Love gives joy ...
All the divine emotions -- love, compassion, courage,
self-sacrifice, humility -- would be meaningless without joy.
Joy means exhilaration, an expression of the ultimate bliss."
The Universal Nature of Love:
"In the universal sense, love is the divine power of attraction
in creation that harmonizes, unites, binds together.
It is opposed by the force of repulsion, which is the
outgoing cosmic energy that materializes creation from the cosmic
consciousness of God ...
The attractive force of love counteracts cosmic repulsion to
harmonize all creation and ultimately draw it back to God.
Those who live in tune with the attractive force of love
achieve harmony with nature and their fellow beings, and are
attracted to blissful reunion with God."
In man, love expresses itself in various ways.
We find love between man and wife, parent and child, brother
and sister, friend and friend, master and servant, guru and
disciple and between the devotee and God, soul and spirit.
Love is a universal emotion;
its expression is distinguished by the nature of the thought
through which it moves ...
It is not the physical instrument, but the consciousness through
which the love moves that determines the quality of love expressed.
Thus a father may express motherly love, a mother may express
friendly love, a lover may express divine love."
Conjugal Love:
"At the most idealistic, conjugal love can be one of the greatest
expressions of human love ...
When man and woman genuinely and purely love one another,
there is complete harmony between them in body, mind, and soul.
When their love is expressed in its highest form, it results in
a perfect unity.
But this love too has its flaw;
it can be tainted by the abuse of sex, which eclipses divine love.
Nature has made the sex impulse very strong so that creation might
go on;
therefore, sex has its place in the marital relationship between
man and woman.
But if it becomes the supreme factor in that relationship,
love flies out the door and disappears completely;
in its place come possessiveness, over-familiarity, and the abuse
and loss of friendship and understanding.
Though sexual attraction is one of the conditions under which love
is born, sex in itself is not love ...
It is only when the transmuting quality of true love is uppermost
in the relationship that sex becomes a means of expressing love.
Those who live too much on the sex plane lose their way and fail
to find a satisfying marital relationship.
It is by self-control, in which sex is not the ruling emotion,
but only incidental to love, that husband and wife can know what
real love is.
In this modern world, unfortunately, love is too often destroyed
by over-emphasis on sex experience.
Those who practice a natural -- not forced -- moderation in their
sex life develop other enduring qualities in the husband-wife
relationship: friendship, understanding, mutual love ...
But conjugal love is tricky, and most people leave this world
with an unsatisfied heart.
They have not sought marital love in the right way.
Attracted mostly by pleasing appearances, they look for their
soul mates in a graveyard of beautiful, nicely dressed forms,
unmindful that a devil may be housed within.
I am not condemning man and woman for responding to the God-created
law of attraction;
I am condemning the perversion of that attraction through lustfulness.
Every man who looks upon a woman as an object of lust, and who
abuses woman to satisfy his lust, commits self-destruction.
Continued sex-abuse impairs the nervous system and affects
the heart, eventually destroying peace and happiness.
Mankind must realize that the basic nature of the soul is spiritual.
For man and woman to look upon each other only as a means to satisfy
lust is to court the destruction of happiness.
Slowly, bit by bit, peace of mind will go."
"Women should not strive to attract men with 'it' (sex appeal).
One should always look neat, and it is not wrong to make oneself
attractive, if it is done with good taste.
But it is wrong to strive purposely to attract the opposite sex
through sex appeal.
Attraction between man and woman should come from the soul.
(Here's where cyber relationships take the cake -- we conduct
relationships without knowing what other people look like).
Those who have sex control and do not flaunt themselves as sex
symbols have a much better chance of attracting the right kind
of mate ...
Love comes first.
That must be the ideal.
When two people feel an unconditional attraction for each other,
and are ready to sacrifice for one another, they are truly in love.
Then only are they ready for an intimate relationship in marriage.
Mere possessiveness won't do.
When one marriage partner tries to control the other, it shows a
lack of real love.
But when they express their love in continual thoughtfulness for
the true happiness of the other, it becomes divine love.
In such a relationship we have a glimpse of the Divine."
"The greatest thing a husband or wife can wish for the spouse is
spirituality;
for soul unfoldment brings out the divine qualities of understanding,
patience, thoughtfulness, love.
But each should remember that the desire for spiritual growth
cannot be forced on the other.
Live love yourself, and your goodness will inspire all your
loved ones."
"After a few years of marriage, thousands of husbands and wives ask
themselves, 'where has our love gone?'
It has been burned on the altar of sex abuse, selfishness, and lack
of respect.
When these qualities enter the relationship, love turns to ashes.
Woman nags man when he strives to enslave her, or when she feels he
has neglected her.
However, tongue-lashing is one of the worst treatments one can
inflict on another.
When man and woman mistreat each other, they destroy forever
their happiness together.
Man should strive to see the God in woman, and to help her realize
her spiritual nature.
He should make her feel that she is with him not merely to satisfy
his sensual appetite, but as a companion whom he respects and
regards as an expression of the Divine.
And woman should look upon man in the same way ...
If and when man begins to look upon woman as a mother symbol,
he will find in her a loving protection he has never seen before ...
Those who have cultivated their soul qualities know that sex has
nothing to do with true love.
If you develop the perfect love of your soul, you will begin to
get a glimpse of the Divine."
"Another wrong attitude is fear of the opposite sex; abnormal
aversion, like abnormal attraction is an unhealthy attitude."
"Love gives without expecting anything in return."
Love everyone.
"Love cannot be had for the asking; it only comes as a gift from the
heart of another."
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Compiled by Mei Nah Khoo
